So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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