I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
