Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
