he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
