I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
