I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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