Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
