Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
false alarm, still single
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
