someone owes me an orgasm
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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