I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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