I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
