I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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