hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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