btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
