My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
