Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
