The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
