Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
