I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
