Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
