I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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