remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
