Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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