woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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