let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
