Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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