yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
