i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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