WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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