If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
