I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
