Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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