Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
