I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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