i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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