She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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