the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
