I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
