You can't motorboat a personality
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
