But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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