where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there's paper in my vomit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
