I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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