my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
