textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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