my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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