ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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