I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
