I hate all girls vehemently.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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