Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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