She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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