So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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