If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
