We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
