What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
