plz talk dirty to me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
