I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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